Super Style! Hair Hat!




Anyway, as expected. I saw another phone, and now i want that instead! I saw a preview function of the not yet complete software and im already like SHIT I WANT IT! LOL.

Reviews : Engadget




















































But shit it la. I dont think i can afford. Its going to be expensive without plan i guess. Dont even know if it will be selling in SG anot. Hai.


Nokia Twist! LOL! Its like super compact.

















































HAHAHAHA! Super style lor. Dont know SG selling anot. But released in US i think. LOL.

HAHAHA! Im officially mad.

After stalking forums after forums. Now i want a Samsung i780.

Sweetness! x) Older model, but so what?! <3

I actually got pissed off yesterday because of this phone? It keep appearing in my face, but i dont know whether i should spend that amount to get it. LOL! How ridiculous can one get. Even after knowing i will get irritated, i still cant stop looking!



When things come knocking at your door. Accept. And that's when you brought trouble along.

From that faithful day,
i led an insane.
Even as my heart start to turn so cold,
so evil.
Still you stay, not knowing.
Causing my destruction.
The persistence love,
I can't accept.
The persistence threats,
I can't withstand.
The invisible strike,
The unknown pain.
Every words, it carved.
A memory deep within.

I cant help but not stop buying stuffs. LOL! Like addicted =_="
I cant eat normally also. Either i binge or i dont feel like eating.
I cant stop having very serious gastric/abdomen cramp.
I cant seem to not hit my head just because i feel like it.


Stress related? HAHAHA! Maybe. But at least i know i at least pass my assignment which is like 30% of my whole grade. The lecturer say she wasnt suppose to give our grade or what la. Pft.

Exam in a week time. Time for intensive study session. x(



Im super tempted once again to go back to my old habit - but i knew. I must not. And now its pure hell to control. shit =( I dont have any method to get rid of the nagging craving. Literally go through the hard way. Aint im just great. Great at bringing problems to myself. HAHAHA!

I think i got fever. =/

I know very well im super anal? Which is why i feel that people that i love will suffer and people who love me will be suffering even more. aiya. zzz.


Im super indecisive also ok. I can look at something i like for like SUPER long.
Just because there are like 2 colours? =_="

Firstly, was the MP3 player. I couldnt decide between an itouch, cowon, creative. And in the end when i finally decide on itouch, no stock. So im really sian-ed. Totally dont feel like getting itouch AGAIN. LOL.

Than, there was this led watch. I couldnt decide between 2 model. And in the end, i just decide not to get any because the watch face is super big. But i know i will be stalking it and mulling over it again.

And the most prolong one. A god damn handphone. From a normal wifi phone to E61i to E63 to E71 to jap phone which dont have wifi. And once again im stuck drooling at beautiful but useless jap phones.

Lastly, Bag! But finally i decide to get it. though i think alot about which colour. heh heh.

Think your life sucks?

Wait till you watch:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=101173826565446

Abandon. Starvation. Illness.


And somewhere else?

I think its not really funny because, its like kept and raise and maybe even born in a zoo, which totally make it the way it is - timid. What happen to its animal instinct.

It just show how manipulative people can be. =/

LOL! Is pizzahut trying to branch out or something? First pasta and now sandwiches? Pastamania? Subway?













































Presentation was ok i guess? zzz. I dont even know where i didnt do properly because we were suppose to be waiting outside of the class while the class talk. But yea whatever. Can you imagine 6 hours for 4 presentation? Which means 1 presentation is like so damn fucking long!

I think im pretty good at screwing myself up. HAHAHA!

I CANT CONTROL! I CANT CONTROL!!
I know im not suppose to. I just cant seems to stop somehow. shit.


My head hurts. =( For weeks.
Im angry. Really angry. So fucking angry.

I want to hurt. I want to hurt so bad.
I dont understand. I dont seems to be able to feel anything but anger.

Anger. Waking up to anger and tears. "Laugh" with anger. Fighting with anger. My rage. I cant control it. Spiteful. Hurtful. Humor. I cant identify them. Which is what. What is which.

Im scared. shit. im conflicting. I dont get it. I dont get anything.




Idiot. One hell of an idiot. I cant stop being demanding. Cant stop! Maybe its just me who feel im demanding, no one else felt the same or those that i felt i am towards. Dont get it. dont get it! Why am i such an angry person. Or i think i am? WTH!! dont know dont know dont know!





=(

王力宏-心跳

想跟我吵架我没那么无聊
不懂得道歉我没那么聪明
好想要回到我们的原点
你又在哭泣我给不了安慰
我又在摇头有那么点后悔
爱情的发展已难以回头却无法往前走
但身不由己出现在胸口
两颗心能塞几个问号
爱让我们流多少眼泪
你的眼神充满美丽带走我的心跳
你的温柔如此靠近带走我的心跳
逆转时光到一开始能不能给一秒
等着哪一天你也想起那悬在记忆中的美好

好累。

Nightmares =(  

How i wish i can just know what people are thinking. I dont even know how to settle something, just because its just so god damn delicate, and i really dont have the time and energy to go find ways to have a better grasp on the situation. And yet i cant just leave it there. shit.



My dad measure my blood pressure since he need to keep check on his, and i got low blood pressure. LOL. Was kind of shocking because my father family is all high blood pressure, so it was like assume i would be like them because of genes. I think i should go get a damn health check up soon. Seeing a lot of unhealthy signs lately. Im not paranoid, just, in case. =/ But there comes the point of being lazy.


Hai. Live life.

Whining alert. Text block. Pend up thoughts.

TRANSPORTATION
pissed. i really hate it alot when people lean on the pole in mrt. What make it worst is, there is so many EMPTY pole there, but that motherfucker just decide to lean on the one i was ALREADY holding on to, just like that on my hand. No brain or what. Nudge her a little, she look around and continue to lean there. wtf. Im NOT interested in touching your rough dry hair or being a god damn cushion for your spineless butt.

i was shutting off, and than she came - my mood totally went haywire right away. I think it was around 2 stop, any longer i would have gone off being mean. I was seriously tempted. A bit longer i swear...


SCHOOL
Apparently, i found myself a little different lately. I dont know why, but yea. And im not sure whether its a good thing, because i feel its not me or i think so, but i just somehow do it very naturally. I can never explain the vast differences. And its all sudden. Maybe i was reserved, too reserved before because i couldnt allow anything to get to me. I wouldnt allow myself to be place in a position that i would be hurt and hence shut a large portion of me away haha.

I asked afiqah and she say, i dont talk a lot last time. But now im like =/ shooting my mouth off in class. Because i feel i need to know certain things, to understand. And im not kidding when i say the lecture is wordy. Can you imagine powerpoint slides full of words? And sometimes i get so bored out of my mind, that to me humor is the only thing that is going to keep me going - a humor, maybe a little teasing, a laugh once in awhile and than i can get my focus back again. And i feel a little happier this way.


THOUGHTS
Im still looking for people who will understand fully, without me saying. Because like most people, i dont really feel comfortable confessing to mistakes or thoughts. But you know what. I came to realise there can never be any one like that. Maybe understanding part of me, but never fully. never. Because everyone is unique, so unique, too unique.

I actually feel a sense of sadness, when i learn some theories. I dont really know how they play a role in my life or refuse to know, of cos it wont bring me to depth of hell or whatever but it just doesnt feel good. Even though its only 4 days, i learn so much more. Just that i get kind of affected sometimes because i realise how true it is in a bad way especially Erikson's theories. In fact I was a little shaken by one of Jung theories today.

Somehow, i perceived that every kind of relationship is going to require alot of efforts. even if there is a personality match, its still going to be hard - because of the way people are. And because of the different personality types, you might not be appreciated - effort gone to waste. And it really makes me kinda hesitant, i really dont like risk, and i still dont like getting hurt.Its always times like these which makes me thinks - should i go back being anally reserved.


DIFFERENCES
I do know that different school have different teaching method. Im not going to condemn or whatever. But how do i put it. If you learn different things under a same field, you actually also have your own methods and requirement as well as expectation. What i can do is based on what i learn. Its not possible for me to know exactly what you are taught. Of cos what i can only tell you is what i am taught. Whether its right or not, you have to assess it yourself and choose whether you going to use it or not. Seriously no hard feelings there.

Basically my point is unless you are studying the exact same thing, when we ask for people views, just listen and make changes if there is a need to if not than so be it. In the end, its you who know your own work best.

And yes I AM pin-pointing A FEW people. In fact i did inform, i can only give my view on the way i learn it, nothing more. But apparently they dont take my words seriously as usual. So speechless i shall be.








I think i seriously need to sleep or maybe just go for a one night crazy rampage. Im not exactly feeling stress, not exactly feeling tired, not exactly feeling irritated. Its more like pend up anger. Im just feeling angry, and i dont know why. but according to damn freud, its must be something in my unconscious mind from my past. bleah.The problem with learning such theories is, i start linking everything up with them.

i know i have been neglecting a lot of things and maybe even people. I am not as patient as i usually am, which is practically non-existence in the first place. I might change topic out of the blue which i know pissed some people off. I might have this enthusiasm which just explode out or goes off at random which make people feel that i am insensitive and crazy.

But i only ask for you to tolerate with me. Maybe for a few weeks. Starting of school have been real hectic, and i am a little shaken by it. I am serious, since i know some people is just going to scoff la given my past study attitude - dont bother hiding it, i know.

Can you imagine in 3 days, cover freud, adler and ericson theories. And its worst because there are duplicate information from the diploma level. Which means i am learning it for the 3rd time - which makes it even harder for me to keep my concentration up to sheave through for new details.

I dont wtf is wrong with my msn, so now im pathetically using ebuddy. damn. Manage to chiong finish my slides in a night. Aint i hasty. Because i know, i wont have enough time to drag it this time round. damn.

 

If only we could do this once in awhile, the place will be so much better. Spread the love.

Its only day 2 of school and i have to start doing presentation slides already. Every lesson is super heavy, super thick with information. Its just like 3 hour lecture, maybe 5 mins break in the middle, and than chiong again. wth. around the last 30 mins, my concentration totally gone.

I also know im not the only one. But its said that if we express our problems and displeasure, we will feel better - catharsis ; making our unconscious conscious and we wont be as burden by it.



Well, on the happier note, my mom is willingly to sponser me a little to get a new mp3. Haha, classmate wasnt bad. But i think we all need to interact more. haha. I think im going to drink today, and than on on with my slides. YOS!!!!

School is ok i guess. But if you try going for a 6 hour lecture with like a total of 30 mins break, its not that fun anymore hur. LOL. Got some repeating info from diploma but yea. My head hurts like fking shit - mass info absorb.

Finally! I got my certificate :D

TMD! This book super heavy. Oh well. I'll be damn.

I was ok the entire afternoon till evening. But by the time i reach home - i think i sort of lost control =-=" Cannot help but feel super irritated and pissed, actually when in the over crowding mrt already starting to have some sign of control lost. It must be the trigger la. Shit.

My mom came back from Dubai, bought vodka. Rock edition and Mini bar, chio-ness. LOL.

Also bought guitar stand for me la - was dragging it for so long due to shortage of money, but now :)

I know my photo quality super cmi, but i dont have photoshop anymore and i only have a damn handphone cam to rely on. Well, was bug by a christian today. I thought heck im waiting for the shuttle, i got time, never mind. TMD do finish le, keep bug me, say can show me proof god exist, all she need is 1 hour. blah blah blah.

I feel like a kid opening a present on christmas! Its been a long time since i bought something.

External HDD - Western Digital Elements 320GB.
$89.90 - 5 years warranty.





















































































Its matt black, but glossy on the side - Love it. Now i can back up all my files. Damn this stupid laptop. Happy happy come one error than cannot logon already. Actually thought of getting the 1TB one, but yea a bit pointless. 320GB is more than enough. Its isnt very hot like some god damn HDD/my laptop. Double thumbs up.

I saw a 7.5/10 condition E71 at $200; and a brand new E63 at $200 - SUPER tempted but if i were to get, i wont know which since each triumph in their own ways. Anyway i think the price will drop even more after E72 out. No point rushing right. :D Patience do wonders to my pocket but damage to my mind and soul. HAHA!



























Saw a week old, mint condition iTouch 2gen 16gb going for $250. I tell ya, they all come at once. But i realise i got no craving for ipod anymore. I just need a good, lasting, 4-8GB size mp3 with radio and voice recorder. The current mp3 player i got fulfill every requirement except its 1GB and i cant put any shit in anymore. =-=" May i add my lasting mp3 player has lasted me close to 3 years - since ngee ann man :D


I been too good lately. And no life if i must add. LOL! but yea whatever, monday school start = time to study. And just so suddenly i feel motivated to study! HAHAHA! My gastric is giving me alot of problems lately. Almost everyday, will have acid threatening to destroy my throat, which left me breathless, but i also realize it might be cause by being nervous =/ I must stop thinking. God damn.

Adobe Photoshop trial download is PURE BITCH.



My ex piano teacher say im a 问题学生.
The ex ex teacher got mental problem.
And now! the teacher got 洁癖.


Its weird she say im a 问题学生 when she asked me so many things and sometimes even talk to me about her problems, and its not like i ask her to tell me. Though i admit i am problematic la but own self whole load of problem still got face to say me. HAHAHA!

And i havent mention that i have gone over my boundaries as a student. I have helped her make calls enquiry about tickets because she cant speak english properly and is scared. Have helped her look for IT books because she dont know what books to look for. Have helped her wash her photos, buy food, teach her how to use the video rental thing, check her driving lesson, and so many rubbish.

Can someone tell me, is that what a piano student is suppose to do? LIKE HELL NO?

BUT SIMPLY, I HELP BECAUSE I DONT MIND. And to me, i really didnt mind at that time, because i mean if its not going to disrupt my plans help also wont die. But slowly i came to realise its WAY OVER the line. She has the guts to tell me, she is selfish so if i want private also can - its illegal anyway. LIKE HELL i would want, especially after i heard that sentence - no chance man.


就应为我随便，不代表我没有感觉。
就应为我肯帮，不代表我喜欢。

我肯帮唯一的原因只有一个 -  我没有理由不帮。

Remember it. remember it well. Dont take my kindness for granted, im not that kind.

"lies are told to be kept - thats why you tell more lies to cover up your lies, and end up lying all the way till you decide to stop"

"promise are made to be broken - thats why you choose to lie"



its just fucked up. your entire existence is fucked up.
Actually not really, just that i dont like it.



IMO, lies are told when there is a need to, and shed them when it over. Promise are made when you are sure you can fufill it. And it doesnt apply to co-link the two. Basically, promise and lies are just the way you are - and it actually tells a lot of your personality. :)

I can understand everybody got different views, but i cannot deny that i dont like your view and im not forcing you to accept mine either. But than you have to accept that i have the right to have my own views, just as much as you have.

The point is, stop sulking, because if you still refused accept my views which really just is just a part of my character, i will start being mean - i know i can be super defensive if i want to, and things might just turn super ugly which is really super pointless and energy consuming really.





Damn, damn, damn. Sooooo pointless =-="


Shall wait, and see if itouch gen 3 come out and affordable, and if e71 price going drop when e72 launch. :) if not i can simply just save money and not buy anything. ..i guess.

Im starting to scare myself. Seriously.



Went Orchard ION, ramen and slack for 3hours? Machiam too much time, somemore is go one cafe and play game of life on itouch. LOL! =_=" Come to think of it, its been a while since i feel so tired after going out. Usually if it past 10pm, i dont really feel like going home. Today, totally is pure tired, 10 haven reach want to peng already.

Basically people everywhere la. And my head hurts from smelling too much strong grounded coffee beans. Practically wanted to destroy the grinding machine. =-="

Im still struggling in making decision. damn. Im actually a little apprehensive. Im really not in the mood to start any other meaningless time consuming, effort and energy draining battle. LOL. whatever man.

I want a wifi device please =(

最简单的幸福是什么都没有。真的吗?

没有金钱，没有贪恋。
没有爱情，没有失去。
没有荣耀，没有虚伪。
没有目标，没有压力。


但是，我做不到。
应为我早已。。。


被金钱吸引，被伤痛恶造。
被荣誉诱拐，被贪恋欺惑。
被失去折磨，被虚伪拖累。
被快乐蒙蔽，被友谊带过。


也开始变得有一点残忍，有时在不知不觉喜欢看到破坏。
喜欢看到那些对不起我的人，受尽他们应得的。
而我在有能力却袖手旁观下，会有种说不出的快感。
那什么也取代不了的兴奋，将会造就没有同情心的我。


我已到了有时不能控制那邪恶的思想在脑里传流，一心只想伤害。
曾经抱着希望会有人能救我，但在这此刻会很难再去相信。




也简单说来，遇到一次的败类，伤害，将会把我推向恶魔一次。

Im desperate.
IM DESPERATE FOR GADGETS! =(

Shouldnt have surf the net so much. LOL! Now i want a portable Wifi device. LOL! =_=" WAHAHAHA! Sian. MAYBE! Just maybe. =/ I gave up on the stupid motorola phone, and use back the other LG KU990R. Really cannot stand smsing on that fked up phone. Want to take and throw out of the window. zzz.


Im desperate.
IM DESPERATE FOR CASH! self-explanatory. HAHA.


Im desperate.
IM DESPERATE FOR SCHOOL! though i know its just for the time being.



Been sleeping and waking up real early lately. But it also include sleeping for more than 10 hours :D HAHAHA! So tired. And i realise nothing much to do at night, that sometimes i even wish i got homework. HAHAHA! Crazy shit.

Sometimes i wonder of my sanity. Even though im pretty sure its safe, just a little different :D



I used to scoff at Apple product. But now i really want a itouch, THOUGH i still dont like Macs LOL! Its because it has WIFI, and it looks ok. =_=" damn im enslave by the internet. =/